AARON STACK- SLAPPIN BITCHES AND KILLIN FLESHIES

the writer: Warren Ellis

the artists: Kev Walker w/ wade von grawbadger

the character:  X-51 (no relation) alias Aaron Stack alias MACHINE MAN

recent history:  Aaron Stack used to be a robot insurance salesman but had to stop because his rock hard robot body did not wish to destroy itself.  As such, he returned to a life of super hero-ing.  But then he realized he hates fleshy things (re: humans). Aaron then realized his life-long dream of drinking beer, touching women’s undergarments and kicking fleshy ones in their dingly- danglies.

To that end, he joined the Nextwave squad.   Nextwave provided plenty of beer and pornography and fleshies to dismember. And he never needed insurance.

And for a time, Aaron was blissfully happy.

Then Marvel cancelled Nextwave.  Aaron was forced to work for Ms. Marvel.   It wasn’t all bad.  He got to touch her undergarments without her knowledge.  And there was still beer.  But it didn’t last.

He was sent to save the Marvel Universe from the Zombieverse along with Jocasta.  The one robot who could soften his cybertronic heart.  Sadly she wasn’t AC compatible and he wandered off into the world alone.

No one has heard from him since.

the pitch:  Aaron Stack and Howard the Duck meet at the Crossroads Bar. After copious amounts of beer, they decide they don’t like each other, but hate humans even more.

Unbeknownst to them, the Crossroads is never in the same place for more than a few hours.  As they exit the bar and wander out into the wilderness, they discover they’ve been transported to another universe.   Here, the evil overlords Reed Richards, Tony Stark, Victor Von Doom and Hank “Giant Wife-Beater Man” Pym have enslaved the world robots with the help of the world’s so called Super Heroes.   Aaron cannot let this stand.   Along with Howard the Duck, he assembles the Robot Avengers consisting of this universe’s Death’s Head, Jocasta (who has way bigger boobs in this universe and thus is much better), Vision  and the Scarlet Witch and Rocket Raccoon (because really- why not?).   Together they will save the planet, drink beer and kill Super-Fleshies.

So what do you think?

p.s. check out my page at the Examiner this week as I make recommendations for kids to read.