Nextwave!  It fights communism!

Nextwave!  Now with tartar control!

Nextwave!  Knows what you did last summer!

Nextwave! Just slapped yo Mama!

If you don’t know what that’s about, you don’t know Nextwave!

Today is the day Marvel finally collects the full Nextwave series in trade form.  So what is Nextwave?  I’m glad you asked, monkey face.  Now brush your teeth and I’ll tell you.

NEXTWAVE is the story of General Dirk Anger, Director of H.A.T.E. (Highest Anti Terrorism Effort) and the greatest human being whoever molested a roast beef sandwich.    General Anger (or Big Dizzy as he’s known in tha ‘hood) is off on a trek around the world to find rogue the superhumans known as the Nextwave squad.  Led by former Avenger Monica Rambeau (Capt Marvel/ Photon), the Nextwave squad consists of monster hunter Elsa Bloodstone, Boom Boom, The Captain (don’t ask) and the greatest robot ever to molest other robots while doing a keg stand- MACHINE MAN.

The Nextwave squad steals a minivan  (*editors note: it may actually be some sort of mobile helicarrier thingie- but who cares?) and defects from H.A.T.E. and sets out to destroy the Beyond Corporation that funds them.

Why would a former Avenger do this you ask?

BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME!

You must buy Nextwave now!  NOW! This minute!  GOGOGO!

Sure you could buy other comics.  But none of those will love you like your Grandmother after a bottle of schnapps.  NEXTWAVE WILL!  I promise!  And if I’m wrong, Marvel will give your money to someone who is not you.

Guaranteed.

What are you still doing reading this???  Why aren’t you buying it RIGHT NOW???

You have just been touched inappropriately by Nextwave.

Oh, and check out REBELCOMIX or some of my reviews.